So while I was taking in all that fabulous douchery, it occurred to me that I can do way better than that. My friends and I are hotter, smarter, and even though our skin isn't the color of traffic cones, I suspect each and every one of us could get as much meaningless sex as we wanted.
So...
WELCOME TO THE GUCCI SHORE, BITCHES!
First, meet the cast. From today on, tune in every Friday to hear about our crazy antics here at the Gucci Shore, where being a douche is always in style.
Gucci Mama - a.k.a. "The Rack".
She will cut a bitch and look good doing it.
Her motto: Some mistakes are too much fun to make only once!
If Testosterone could mate with an Explosion, Jake - a.k.a. "The Position" - would be the offspring.He's so bad ass he started a motorcycle gang of which he's the lone member.
His favorite saying: Nice to "meat" you.
Sassy, a.k.a. "The Blowout" is a fiesty bitch. She'd just as soon fuck you up as look at you. Fuck with The Blowout, you will get the heat.Her motto: Big Bitches don't cry. They get even.
If you need someone to back your ass in a fight, drink you under the table, or teach you how to creep, Ian - a.k.a. "Jewce Springsteen" is your man.His favorite saying: Be true to your shul, yo. Don't toy with the goys.
The Bipolar Diva, a.k.a. "Tan-Tric", will rock your goddamn world. She's the sweetest bitch in the bunch, as long as you stay on her good side.Her motto: I'm not a tease; I'm just a reminder of what you can't have.
Copyboy, a.k.a. "Orange Jewce" is a fucking ball breaker with a heart of gold. This Jewce Head is sometimes known as "The Matzo Ball Breaker" because this much awesome cannot be contained inside just one nickname.His favorite saying: I'm fuckin' classy. I will break you, but only after I finish my tea and biscuits.
Michelle, a.k.a. "Hot Spot" is as sweet as they come, but you don't want to wake up on the wrong side of this bitch's bed.Her motto: You don't have to like me, sweetie. You can bite my ass.
The Wolf, a.k.a. "The Operation" is a hard core motherfucker. He dines on nothing but pasta, raw eggs, and the still beating hearts of freshly killed puppies. There is no one better to have on your side, but take care not to fuck with him.
His favorite saying: Today is your day for The Operation. It won't go well for you.
Crazy Brunette, a.k.a. "The Sure Thing" is a vibrant, sexy bitch. The only thing shorter than her skirt is her attention span; don't expect her to fall in love with you; she'll love you and leave you every time.Her motto: Chew you up and spit you out and make you fucking like it.
Tune in next week to see what these juicy Gucci Shore babes are up to. Welcome to the Gucci Shore, bitches!
74 People Love My Gucci:
I love it!! :)
I love it! Your pic is way hott BTW!
Gotta set my DVR for this!
Gawd, that Orange Jewce is a fuckin' hottie. That bitch Tan-Tric better step off. Just sayin'.
OK, I have no rack and I am pasty white but I forreals want a cool ass name. It should bode well that I live next to a recently vacated crack house and I am currently watching the Porter paint guy get a blowjob in the driveway. 2:26am so long story short...I want an in!!!
Kelly - Well, thanks. Glad you like it.
Miss C - Set your DVR for sure. It's going to be awesome. And thank you. Glad you like my picture. ;)
The Rack - Everybody wants the Jewce.
Donda - You are so in. Send me a Shore worthy picture and I'll write you into an episode.
I am on it!! Forreals I wish y'all could see the madness goin' on next door! It's like Showtime 2!!!
I'm certainly fucking tuning in for at least the first season (if its SLV 21)
Talk about discrimination...where's the cowboy?
Uh, Excuse me Rack, certainly you weren't talking that smack to me? No, I didn't think so. Just back up a little and no one will get hurt.
Wait bitches...just WAIT...
You're welcome to TRY with Jewce... but we all know whose bed he'll be stumbling into...
My picture doesnt show up when I comment under that! Damnit bitch!
Donda quit running your mouth about the Crazy Brunette blowing the paint guy. He's hot!
Grabs my popcorn and a seat.. and is curious yet afraid of the nickname Gucci has for me lol
Oh you are too funny! :D Love this!
xoxo!
This is the funniest fucking thing I've ever seen. It may qualify for the best blog post of all time.
That post had me $#$#% in my pants! Thanks so much for including my Jewce ass in the cast.
Think those sunglasses make me look fat?
What a motley crew, trouble is coming (LOL)
Damn I look FINE! Now it's time to find me a sexy gorilla juice head!!!!!
Ain't no grenades up in here!
Yeah,, Ian those shades make your face look beat down. i daknow what is with TanTric but she is all acting sweet n cute n shiot but underneath she is just a dirty whore like the rest of us,..beeeYATCH!!
Ian just sent me your link, love it!
Cool, I love having a pic(face) to put with the names.
OH. MY. GOSH! This is HILARIOUS!!!!
Waaaaaaaaaaa!!!!! I need an Ed hardy , 8 lbs of gel wearing, beefed up juice head in my life!!!!!!!!
bahahaha i fucking love this shit!!!
holy shit you cause are the f-in bombs!!!! Love it!
Damn, it is like going to the bar an flashin my tits a whole lotta looks but no one is in it, if ya know what I mean,... did that jewce make lil pussys outta ya all?
Tan-Tric - Bitch, I saw you eyeing my Orange Jewce. Think again.
Blowout and Sure Thing - Step off the Jewce. You bitches best not even ACT like you get a sip of the Jewce. I will cut you.
RACK, You Beeyatch why don't you step off,.. the Jewce was playing me last night good if you know what I mean,.. too bad your hot mess ass was passed out on the danced floor in an intresting "position"
Who's up for some GTL?
Jewce Springsteen - You're looking a little pale, baby. Get an extra little shot of spray tan after the gym today. Who's gonna GTL with you? We should have some drinks and get in the hot tub when you get back.
Blowout - No way my Jewce was up on your ass, Bitch. Get that? MY. Jewce.
Orange Jewce, where the fuck are you? You creepin' on The Blowout? Seriously, Jewce, you should know that my interesting position with The Position could become much more interesting if you're getting your Jewce on The Blowout.
Rack - Do you even REMEMBER last night? What the fuck is this talk about Orange Jewce.
Someone tell her what went down last night.
Jewce Springsteen and I are off for some GTL.
i am so sad i didn't send you my picture in time. but now that i look at everyone else, i think my hair is way too flat for the shore.
This is just too much awesome for me to handle all at once!!! And, That bitch CB has awesome fucking legs, and I kind of hate her for it.
I think you need a heartless blonde in this bunch... just a suggestion.
Jewce Springsteen looks SO HAWT!!!!!!
Your post is hilarious! Can't wait to see whats going to happen next!
OMG, I got this so locked up it ain't even funny,...Off to go bitch huntin' see you guys for some jewce lata'
Oh, promise there'll be video for this!
Rack, you Dirty whore don't make get up on your big tits,.. you know my big hair makes you jealous,...Damn beeyatch,.. You alreday got some action in da position Idk is up in your head but it is gettin on my nerves
@CB he may be hot but he is not very chivalrous. Didn't that driveway hurt your knees?
Donda- FUCK no it didn't! Just because I'm wearing stilettos doesnt mean I can't sit on them! I wasn't kneeling, I was crouching... I'm a lady see?
While you sluts are fighting over Orange Jewce, I'm getting drunk and the Porter Paint guy is taking my ass to dinner tomorrow!
You better add that skill to your resume Sistagirl! Freakishly strong thighs is an asset in your business :)
that is funny. Michelle is my girl- yep love her!
Sure Thing,.. he is just takin you to dinner cause he knows you give up the dessert
Sure Thing,.. he is just takin you to dinner cause he knows you give up the dessert
I'm here and ready to fist pump Gucci aka: Rack!!!!
I'm here and ready to fist pump Gucci aka: Rack!!!!
YIKES, I meant to put a comma between pump and Gucci. So Sorry!!!
Now this is a Shore I could get used to! ;)
Orange Jewce - You naughty naughty boy! I like it. You tell that bitch the Blowout that you only have eyes for me.
Right?
Blowout - It's alright. I gotcha. You just wait. You'll get yours.
I don't remember who asked, but YES! There will be video eventually. Hopefully soon. Each of the house mates will be doing video confessionals of their dirtiest Shore deeds!
Sorry all I slept in. After Rack got all shit faced and passed out on the dance floor I hooked up with that Urban Cowbay that stopped in earlier in the night. That boy knows what he's doing!
By the way Rack, I know that Jewce WANTS Me, and that's enough for me.Just remember next time you're tying to get all that with him, you'll know exactly who he's thinking about.
Tan-Tric, Jewce and I laughed and laughed at how you think he wants you. Well, we made a lot of other noises before that which had nothing to do with laughing, if you know what I mean.
You went home with the Cowboy? Oooh. That man couldn't fist pump if his life depended on it, I bet. I'm not sure how much I'd brag about taking him home...just saying.
I'M GOING TO THE GUCCI SHORE, BITCH!
OMG! WTF is all up in this house but a bunch of trash talkin fakers,.. If the Jewce isn't into me, well Than FINE I'll find me another kinda Jewce that can light my festival of lights, Bitches!!!
Wow! I might have ta tune into this show.
Gucci--this is awesome! I can't wait!
bwhahahahahahaha
Looking hot hot hot ladies! Sexy bithces indeed!
You are a FAIL!
Blowout- Doesn't everyone know that??? Oh, shit... I guess I should be a little more discreet while blowing the paint guy next time...
Oh well... Want to go too???
Sorry Rack, you have me laughing now....
Gawd I hate that show. I'd watch yours though... looks much much MUCH better!
Sure Thing~ You are on, Next time we will tag team him!
You've fucking outdone your self GM. I will tune in and buy your look alike barbie dolls when they come out next spring.
And ummm, Copyboy.....fucking hawt!!! Any man that eats chinese food out of a styrofoam bowl with chopsticks is allright with me.
Yeah, I'm in.
And just an fyi...that snookie bitch (the biggest idiot of the bunch) from the show is making $30,000.00 fucking dollars an episode. WTF??? She stepped in shit along the way for sure.
Too fucking much! At least your crew can speak and write in coherant sentances.
@Mike, if the crew votes me in I can't promise the speaking and writing coherently anymore. I am pretty sure I would be the lush of the group. LOL
@CB actually if you wouldn't mind blowing him from the passenger side that would be great. We didn't have the best view from where you were standing last night. Please and Thank You!
Like Alexis I totally wish I would have gotten my picture in, in time. But I honestly couldn't have competed with the chicks you have up there... hot stuff... even if they do all look Jersey Shoreish--the guys aren't so bad either!
Should be fun!
I'm thinking that I'm liking that cigar "The Position" has. could be lots of fun. The Dems probably think after Billy Boy they have the corner on cigars and their varied uses, but it ain't so.....Oh Position....I'm calling you...And I'll totally join that motorcycle gang you have.
Love it!
Hehe.....this is way more interesting than any serial. Why to go GM. Will be tuning in every week.
haha, I fucking love it. I am a new follower that found you through Blog Stalk Friday.
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