You see, I've written to him more than once and for some reason he's holding out on me. Probably playing hard to get.
But dammnit, John Hillstrand, I DEMAND YOUR ATTENTION. Which is why, starting today, every Saturday I will be posting a Dear John letter because if I fill it with enough Deadliest Catch keywords and mention the Time Bandit often enough maybe someone from Discovery will notice me and get my ass on the boat. The Time Bandit. You know, the one that's captained by JOHNATHAN HILLSTRAND. Maybe John will google himself, see this, be unable to resist me, and move heaven and earth to get me out to Alaska.
Can you imagine if my dream came true and he brought me on the Time Bandit to cook? I can just hear Mike Rowe narrating my Deadliest Catch debut. His deep, craggy voice would say,
Meanwhile, 150 miles from Dutch Harbor, the Time Bandit jogs between strings. While the crew nabs some much needed rest, the newest member of the Time Bandit family is busy in the kitchen, preparing a feast for the weary fisherman.The camera would cut to me, looking beautiful despite some minor seasickness. I'd be busy chopping onions.
And then I would smile triumphantly at the camera and say something excessively witty.
Thanks to a successful internet campaign, Mike Rowe would say, Gucci Mama finally found herself right in the middle of a dream come true. After months of alluding to her desire to cook for the Time Bandit boys on her website, Captain Johnathan finally took notice.
So, John Hillstrand, Discovery Channel, and Mike Rowe - you're on notice. This is week one of my campaign to cook for the Time Bandit boys. I don't plan on stopping until I'm successful. I realize it's too late this year, but October is fast approaching. I am ready for King Crab 2010. I've been practicing dicing vegetables and roasting meat while swaying back and forth on my feet and everything. Plus, I look really hot in a survival suit.
18 People Love My Gucci:
Listen up John Hillstrand, Discovery Channel, and Mike Rowe and listen well. You're missing out on a sure fire rating booster with Gucci Mama cooking for you! Get your tails in gear and snag her up while you can!
Rock on Gucci Mama!
Damn! If I was John Hillstrand I would be hiring Gucci Mama to cook on my boat! But if I was Mike Rowe I'd sure be paying attention to Gucci Mama! And if I had any pull at the Discovery Channel I'd hire Gucci Mama to have any gig she wanted.
Even though I was a little put off by her and the crabs.
I mean the crabs? Really?
You said crabs. I read it. Something about being the king of em. I dunno.
Anyway John Mike and Disc Channel you are missing out by NOT having the Gucci Crab King Mama on your show.
Brilliant ploy!
I'm going to use the same marketing assault to get Bono to notice me. I just want one dance on that concert stage, that's all. And if it takes cooking crabs, than so be it.
I hope you get your way. I'd actually watch the show if you were their girlie star.
I have 2 awards for you
http://www.myperfectlittleworldblog.com/2010/05/more-awards-to-pass-on.html
Enjoy your weekend and Happy Mother's Day!!
What an great blog!!! I found you on FF. I hope you will visit my site and follow me too!
Thanks, Mellisa
www.funsavingmoney.net
Seriously, WHAT is he WAITING FOR. Let's get it going.
I never saw that. I like the movie, Time Bandits, though.
Best of luck to you Gucci Mama! I had no idea you were such a Deadliest Catch and Time Bandit fan! Ditto here (although I swoon for the Northwestern!)
You have GOT to begin making plans to join us in Seattle next year for Discovery's CatchCon! If there truly is a crab god, there will be another one next year. We had an amazing time this year, and one more dedicated fan will make it all the better. If you want to check out all the action, I've blogged about our experiences there, www.outbacknebraska.com.
BTW, love your blog! It never fails to bring a smile to my face, sometimes an outright guffaw.
Part of me drools to help you, part of me is plotting a take-over of the entire concept.
Andy makes me swoon. And Mike Rowe. John is lovely and all, but I think you and I would get along famously sharing shifts on the boat.
I heart the F.V. Time Bandit. (Will I see you in the chat room?)
what speak ye of????. i have nopt idea who what why or hiow, i suppose i am too old for this>>>burma shave
lolol...I didn't know you were a Deadliest Catch fan too!! Time Bandit is tied as my favorite with the Northwestern...LOVE it!
OMG, this is so funny, because after months of hearing you talk about this show I watched it for the first time today! I don't think I saw that captain and boat today though. It was the best of season 5... BIG storm. Crazy shit. Might have to watch this show some more.
Justine :o )
You crack me up! I love that show too. John Hillstrand should totally get you out there and on the Tine Bandit, I'd watch. Well...I already watch anyway, but still..I'd watch way harder and listen much more intently if you were on there. lol
Good luck! (=
Newest follower here ;) I love this show and The Time Bandit is my favorite boat with my favorite boys! I look forward to reading more "Dear John" letters.
Been meaning to read this for some time. Didn't know you were such a fan of this dude... but it would be awesome if you got to meet him! Even if he does probably smell like old, rotten crab flesh
Have you heard that your future husband is being sued?? I think it has something to do with the Discovery channel and the show. No bueno!
You take Johnathan and I'll take Andy.. He melts my butter!
I'm pretty sure we could keep their minds off fishing for a while!!
Oh, and couldn't care less if one or either is attached.. I'm all about the catch and release right now! :):)
Aahhhh Gucci... all is well in Nebraska. Not only do I have my tickets to CatchCon this year, but will be making a Road Trip to Omaha (clear across Nebraska from li'l ole me in the Outback), to see John Hillstrand at an appearance at some car show!! You're welcome to come along.
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